I'd Judge Me Too

Hello, Lovelies! As parents, I think it's almost standard to be at least a little judgemental. I mean, if you think about it, there are so many "Great Parenting Debate" topics out there. There's breast vs. bottle/formula feeding, cloth vs. disposable diapers, car seat debates, circumcision and so much more. We spend the days leading up to the birth of our new pride and joy pouring over all of the reading material we get our hands on. We vow to ourselves that we will follow the expert advice to the letter. We imagine everything to perfection. The reality is, there is no such thing as perfect.

In the months leading up to the Princess' birth, I wont say I read all of the books; that would be a lie. I did, however read every internet article that I could get my computer to reach. I tended to stay away from the articles about disabilities, birth defects and other issues. I couldn't imagine that possibly happening to my child. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that almost 2.5 years after I would give birth the the most beautiful little girl that I had ever laid my eyes on, would I hear the words "She falls onto the spectrum. She is autistic." So here it is: All of the things that I would have judged other parents for, and as a childless individual, I would have judged myself.

Television: 
I swore to myself that there would be absolutely no TV watching, aside from maybe an hour a day. That was quickly squelched when the King decided he wanted to help the Princess transition to her room and bed, so he put a TV in her room with lots of movies. I went with it. It helped. She went from screaming for hours to calm and content, and would happily chew on her pacifier and slowly fall asleep. She'd sleep through the night, and it was wonderful.

Dental Hygiene:
I suppose hygiene is really one category, but I have a couple to add here. So I decided to break it up to the specifics. I promised myself that we would get teeth brushing down to a science. Twice a day, keep those pearly whites nice and shiny! Unfortunately, the Princess has a real "hot zone" around her face and head. This means anything that comes at her face/mouth that she hasn't explicitly approved of only produces tears, ear drum bursting-- Mine-- and a tightly sealed closed mouth. If that doesn't get you to stop, then will come the hitting, of herself or you, whichever might be closer. Maybe both.

Hair brushing/washing:
Obviously, most kids have issues with their hair being brushed and tangled. I think that's one common complaint I've heard from many mothers that I can truly relate to. The Princess hates water on her face-- see the hot zone issue I was talking about?-- and absolutely passionately detests brushing and washing of her hair. The tears and screams come to such a rate that you'd think that we were pulling out her hair strand by strand. We're not. There's also a dead weight thing that she does, where at not quite 4 years old, she feels like she's well over 100 lbs. On the super rare occasion, she'll allow me to do her hair. When she does she gets the cutest styles I can possibly create. OK, so pig tails it is. Otherwise, messy ponytail or bun will suffice.

Eating:
This one is a biggie for me. I knew from the get go that I wanted my baby girl to have a much more balanced and healthier diet than I've ever had. When it came time to start to feed her solids, she fought hard. The Prince, as I discovered later was very much similar, with the exception that he moved on quickly and will now eat anything and everything we put in front of him. Once we finally got her eating the delicious looking puree, it seems that she never wanted to move forward. We got her to eat stage 3 foods, but that is where she plateaued. She will eat two jars at a time now, of stage 3 foods-- Only fruits with the occasional yogurt-- and eat 6-8 jars a day. Yes, I do still have to feed her, as she does not feed herself. I'm hoping that this will somehow be squelched by high school, but we'll see. We call her our fruititarian, but back to the dental hygiene, this does not help with the appearance of her teeth.

Those would be the main categories, but there is so much more to it. She's still in side by side play mode-- which works for the Prince, though he's wanting more interaction these days-- she wont make eye contact with anyone who isn't her family, or those she has come to see as family. Sometimes she gets the strangest habits, such as licking walls and windows. These are all things that as a childless woman, I would have judged. OK, so I'll even admit that if I didn't have an autistic princess that I might still judge these behaviors. We judge what we don't understand, after all.

I guess the moral of all of this is that as parents, we need to stand strong together and not judge each other. Well, as much as possible anyways. You don't know what the other parent is going through. Autism is a neurological disorder that you can't see with your eyes. You may not know that this child/person is autistic, and you may judge their behaviors. Until you walk in another's shoes, you wont truly know what struggles each individual has faced.