Awareness Across America

Hi there, Lovelies. In honor of April being Autism Awareness Month, I wanted to show a visual celebration of autism awareness across the country. Please enjoy.

Blue Decorated Tree- Salem, OR

Blue Decorated Tree-Salem, OR

Blue Pinwheels- Corning, CA

Blue Water Fountain- Overland Park, KS

Autism Walk Makes Front Page of Local News- Mt. Airy, NC

Adventures With the Prince

Hi there, Lovelies! I've realized that I have shared a lot about the Princess, but not very much about the Prince. So today, I wanted to give him just a bit of a spot light. As you know, he's a typically developing one and a half year old. He's incredibly adventurous, and seems to look danger right in the eye and chuckle at it.

Now, while he is typically developing, he has been a bit delayed in the pulling to stand category. From what I understand, it is more likely that the younger sibling of an autistic child be delayed in some way. Not usually enough to fall on the spectrum, or even warrant early intervention. With all of that said, he has since become an adept stander, and has started to cruise.

Of course, his preferred method of getting around these days is to crawl. With this, gives him a new sense of freedom, and seems to get him into some interesting predicaments. For instance, I once found him between his crib and the wall-- Don't worry, there was plenty of room between, so he was OK.--  as he had crawled under. He's also getting much harder to contain these days.

Baby gates are a non-issue for him, as he can knock them down if they are not mounted to the wall. As of now, we use those big plastic tubs weighted down to block his way, though it wont work for long, since he's already realized he just needs to be able to push them out of the way. He just needs to gather the strength.

My personal favorite feat that he is working on is opening doors. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the Prince is not walking yet, but he is trying to open doors! He just crawls up to the closed door, pulls himself to a stand and reaches for the doorknob. Yep, he's tall enough. With pulling a door open, it takes him a second to realize that when he's using said door to hold himself up; he is effectively keeping it closed. So he adjusts, tries again-- And Voila!-- he's opened the door.

His door opening skills have provided some entertainment, I wont lie. Most recently, actually. The King had just gotten home from work, and was rushing around the house getting more comfortable, and putting things away. I was in the Princess' room, changing her movie. The Prince was crawling around as usual, exploring his world. As the King went into the royal bedroom and closed the door behind him, the Prince came following.

I saw him pull to stand at the door, so I started narrating the situation; hoping to alert the King to the Prince's presence on the opposite side of the door. It went a little something like this:
"Be careful, he's standing on the other side of the door!"
"Oh, he's reaching for the doorknob, I think he's going to open the door!"

And in that exact moment, he pulled on the doorknob, with all of his weight pushing on the door, low and behold!-- The door opened!-- The Prince following after. Hands in the same position as they were when he opened the door-- Plop! Belly flop to the floor.

At this moment, the King apparently has just realized what's happened and asks:
"Did he just crawl, stand up and open the door?"
Yes dear, he did. I couldn't hold my laughter together at that point. I was in tears. The Prince was not, all was right in the world.

Well, looks like we'll be going out to purchase those special childproofing doorknob thingies-- Yes, that's my technical term for it.-- sometime in the near future. Until next time, my Lovelies. I hope you've laughed as hard as I have.

What I Want Doesn't Matter

Hello, Lovelies. It's been a bit since I've updated, and it's really just been a busy week or so. As things are settling down again, I thought I'd change up the pace a bit. I hope that my work speaks for itself. It's a little poem I've been working on, and I hope you like it.

My little girl, I look at you
And think of all the things I want you to do.
But what I want doesn't matter.

I want you to eat,
I want you to speak.
But what I want doesn't matter.

What I desperately want to hear,
Three little words to sound so dear.
But what I want doesn't matter.

I want not to have such a stunning visual,
Of fits so ferocious they're downright abysmal.
But what I want doesn't matter.

As you grow older, the heights you will soar
The beauty, the adventure, I want you to explore.
But what I want doesn't matter.

As I sit here, and think of you;
I think of all the crazy things you put me through.
The love, the frustration, the highs and the lows;
The silly, the fussy, those fingers and toes.

I only want what's best for you,
I want you to take my love and share it too.
And I know that this may sound really sappy,
But all I want is that you are happy.

But what I want doesn't matter.

Lost and Found

Ciao, Lovelies. I think it's fairly common knowledge that when it comes to kids, things get lost. Often. Sometimes never to be seen again. But if anybody is to find it, it's usually Mom.

I swear my children must have a little magpie in their lineage. They are so good at taking things and hiding them. Especially the Princess. I've made references to her "shopping trips" in the past, but I thought it might be fun to explore this just a bit further. Now what she shops for really ranges in item type. A favorite is keys, especially if she can get both Mommy and Daddy's sets. She'll hide them, so when the King needs to get to work, and they're nowhere to be found, our first place to look is in her room. We've found them under her bed, under toys, and a personal favorite; in her dresser drawer.

Another well honored favorite is shoes. Usually mine. Recently, my favorite staple pair of flip flops went missing. I didn't notice until we had plans, of course. The day of said plans, in fact. You see, we had plans to go to see a family friend and we don't have many opportunities to get out. Or rather, I don't. So I make sure to wake up early, so that I can successfully get the Prince and Princess ready, as well as the King and I-- OK, now I feel like I need to burst into song. As I am getting dressed, I flit to and from each child, get this one dressed, feed that one; I realize that the flip flops that are pivotal to my outfit-- and no, I am not changing at this point in the game-- are missing!

So now, I'm trying to search for my shoes, as the King is getting a little impatient to leave. I look in the living room, under the couch-- Nothing. Check the toy box. Success! One flip flop found! Only. One. Crap, now I have to find the other. Search the area around the toy box, and quickly discover that the other one is nowhere near. Check the dining room-- Nope. The Princess' room-- Not there either. All the while, I'm helping with finishing touches on the children. Check once more in the living room-- Hey, there's the King's shoe that he's been looking for! Not my shoe though. Check the my bedroom, in the closet-- I know, the most logical place for shoes-- and look at that, I found the bag of shoes for the Prince. Still not my shoe.

By now, I've given up any hope of finding the missing flip flop. And I definitely don't have time to change my outfit. So, I went with the only choice I had. Yes, I was THAT mother. You know the one. The mom with two different colored flip flops on. One black, one purple. I decided to go with my choice with pride-- Plus, I knew that once we got there, I'd be able to stay barefoot the majority of the time. So it wasn't an entire loss.

That was a couple of weeks ago, now. I just recently found the missing partner to my favorite pair of flip flops. About two days ago. Oddly, I only discovered it's location when the Princess had found it again first. Of course, she couldn't reach it and was throwing a massive fit.

Where was it, you ask? Behind the TV stand in living room, of course. In the living room the whole time. Of course. Well, looks like I've just added a new hiding place to check when things go missing.

"Quit Slamming That Door!"

Benvenuto, my Lovelies. As parents, we've grown accustomed to repeating phrases like they're going out of style. Sometimes phrases that we expect, sometimes ones we never even dreamed would come flying out of our mouths. Today, we're going to discuss one for me that as of lately, has been repeated far too often.

Before we get into the phrase itself and why it's on repeat, let me first share a little information about living with a child with autism.  Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are beings of routine, obsessions and repetitive behaviors. According to the National Autistic Society; "Repetitive behaviour may include arm- or hand-flapping, finger-flicking, rocking, jumping, spinning or twirling, head-banging and complex body movements. You may also see the repetitive use of an object, such as flicking a rubber band or twirling a piece of string, or repetitive activities involving the senses (such as repeatedly feeling a particular texture)."

Now what this means to me can mean so many things. It means that when the Princess is feeling particularly affectionate, I get lots of kisses. By that, I mean she runs up to me, allows me to give her a kiss and runs away-- rinse and repeat. She is particularly fond of spinning until I am dizzy from just watching her. It also means that the "normal toddler" things are on repeat. Playing with the spring door-stopper. Opening and closing drawers. And a personal favorite: Opening and closing doors.

So the phrase that's on repeat is one that most parents have uttered: "Quit slamming that door!" What's so different about this? Add one word to the phrase, and you'll understand.
"Quit slamming that closet door!"

Yes, you read that right: Closet door. No, our closet door isn't like any normal door, it's the type on a track that slides open and shut. The Princess loves to sit inside the closet, and continuously open and close it, revealing dark and light. She also loves the very loud *Thud* it makes.

The process usually starts simply enough. It's quiet, the Princess is playing by herself, the Prince is either self entertained, or napping. You hear that slight familiar sound of a door rolling on the track. It stops. It seems like a few minutes before you hear it again; only this time it ends with that familiar "Thud!"

I've thought of lots of solutions to the issue, none so far have panned out. I've tried blocking the closet. She found a way around it. I've tried redirecting her. That only works until she's gotten bored with whatever I used. I think my next step will be using her closet for storage. Maybe if it's inaccessible, she wont find it so entertaining.

At any rate, I've got to run. I'm starting to hear that very familiar sound...

To My Handsome Prince Charming:

Aloha, Lovelies. Since last time was a letter to the Princess, I'd like to follow it up with a letter to my Prince. It's a little different in tone, as I have a whole different message for him.

Dear Little Prince Charming,

I never knew how my life could change for the better until you came into my world. I've not had much experience with little boys, so my son, you are my learning curve. In more ways than one.  This could be both a blessing and a curse for you, so how you choose to look at it is entirely up to you.

There are a lot of things that I wish I could articulate. I wish I could articulate the fact that even if sometimes it seems I am dealing with the Princess and may not have time for you, I will always have time for you. Tell me you need it, I will make it available. I wish I could articulate how I much I've wondered if this life that you were born into; that of chaos and meltdowns, was ever fair to you. Along with that chaos is love and memories that we will share together as a family. So, I suppose that's fair enough.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to articulate to you how much different the world is for your sister, the Princess. I think you notice. I know you love her. I know you see the differences. You enjoy being in the high chair and trying new things, even if you see her having a meltdown in same situation. You're trying to learn new words, while she seems to be stuck on babbling.

You sir, are an inspiration to me. While you see the chaos, you see the beauty. When you fall down, you get right back up. The most inspiring is seeing how you and your big sister have formed a bond. I almost think you may understand a little better than I do. When you get that talking full sentences thing down, will you do me a solid and explain some to me?

Let me leave you with a few pieces of advice:

• Never lose that sense of adventure. Someday, it will lead you to what makes you happiest.

• Look to your father as an example of how a man should behave. Especially in how he treats the people around him. However, ignore the negative habits. Like leaving shoes in the middle of the floor, or considering laundry "done" when it's simply piled fresh out of the dryer.-- Trust me, your wife some day will thank me for that tidbit.

• Ask questions. Seek answers. Never be afraid to ask advice or for help. This is something most adults have trouble with-- Including yours truly-- so figuring this out now will help you in the future. 

Know that I will always love you. You will always be my baby boy, even long after you have grown taller than I am. I am here for you. You'll make mistakes, and so will I, we'll work through it together.
I love you always, my handsome Prince.

Love,

Mommy

A Confessional To My Princess

Bonjur, Lovelies. Today, I thought I'd sit down and jot a few thoughts to the Princess. And since I seem to be in a sharing mood lately-- hence the blog-- I thought I'd share it with you too.


To My Beautiful Princess,

First, I'd like to start this letting you know that I am blessed to know you. I'm so proud to say that I'm your mommy. Your adventurous nature keeps me on my toes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Since you keep me on my toes, I thought you should know some of the things that I do to work around your lovely stubborn streak.

So you know that sippy of milk you get? How you wont drink anything but milk? I'm afraid to say, that's not the whole truth. You see, you can't live on milk. I know you want to, but it's not enough to keep your little body running properly. To keep you happy and to keep my mommy guilt level to a minimum, your cups of milk are mostly half water. I'm sure you've noticed the massive up-tick in diaper changes. That is the result of my actions. And though you can't tell me yet, I'm sure you've noticed maybe a lack of headaches. You seem to be happier in general.

Also, you know those nights where it's really late, and inexplicably immediately after drinking your milk, you feel sleepier? That's because per your doctors orders, there's a little melatonin in there. To be completely honest, it's not really often that happens, mommy usually resolves to wake up whenever you decide it's morning.

You know, while we're on the topic; since you usually do wake up so early in the morning-- Truth be told, I still consider 3 AM night time, and I really wish you'd see eye to eye with me on that.-- is it really necessary to yell at me BEFORE I've had my coffee? You might get a slightly less grumpy mommy.  I mean, I love you and I will continue to put your needs before mine, and this includes coffee. But at some point we need to compromise on what constitutes a reasonable waking hour. I'll throw out a starting point: to your 4 AM, I'll exchange it with 7 AM on school days and 10 AM all other days of the week? No? Well, you think about it and get back to me, would you?

I love you, my wonderful Princess. Remember these final things:

1) You are beautiful inside and out.

2) You are wise beyond your years.

3) You are absolutely brilliant. I've not seen somebody who can figure out how to melt my heart, and wrap me around their little finger quite as well as you.

4) Above all else, know that I am always on your side, by your side.  We may not always see eye to eye, but believe me, everything I do is out of love for you. I may mess up at times, but the underlying motivation is always there.

Love you always,

Mommy

(PS: Stay tuned next time for the letter to the Prince)

Double Standards

Good day, Lovelies. You know, there's one thing that's been weighing on my mind lately. Pretty heavily. I think it's something that I still need to overcome in my journey with raising my little royals. It's those stinking double standards.

We all do it. We try not to. Alas, we still end up comparing our children. Whether it's comparing siblings to one another, or comparing our children to those of others. It's a secret, subconscious urge and we're all prone to it. That's OK. I find that because the Princess has autism and the Prince is typically developing, I tend to worry that I'm holding them to some kind of a double standard that they'll never be able to overcome.

For instance, I take a lot of pictures of my children. I love them, I'm constantly captivated by their beauty and how it's a perfect mix of the King and I. And they came from ME. I share pictures. Then I wonder: "Am I taking and sharing more pictures of the Princess than the Prince because she can run around?" OK, that's really not the best example. But I still wanted to share that quick thought.

The best example is in their development. I love celebrating trying new things, successful attempts or not. I rejoice in each time they've been working on something and it finally clicks for them. I share these moments with friends and family. The type of celebrations really differ for each of them. To the world, I rejoice as the Prince faces and defeats a new milestone: "The Prince stood up today!", "He said his first word!", "He LOVES to eat!"

The Princess, on the other hand; well, I usually feel like she gets the poopy end of the stick-- if you will-- on the celebration. Don't get me wrong. I tell everybody who knows and loves her of all the new things she's doing: "She started to chew food!", "The Princess is running!", "We're trying stairs now!". But I don't shout them from the rooftops. It's not because I'm ashamed. By no means will I ever be ashamed of my daughter.

It's because not as many understand why this would all be so exciting. Especially when I'm shouting this about my three year old. By now she should have already hit those milestones. At least, that's the common mentality. I do have hope that the mentality will change, I see it starting to. But now, I'm actually looking.

The other area the double standard shows up is in discipline. The Princess expresses her emotions very differently. She is unable to tell us when she is in need of something as simple as eating, or if she needs a diaper change. Or any of the range of needs in between. Her solution is to lash out in the loudest, biggest way possible. During a mealtime, if she is upset she thrashes in her high chair. The Prince sees this, and thinks it looks fun; his next meal time he rocks in the chair. The Princess will hit octaves in her screams that are near glass-shattering. So will the Prince.

The question that often pops into my head is "How do I teach the Prince that how the Princess handles her emotions is because she has no other way to express them. They're not OK tactics for you to try." I'm working on it. I'll always work on it. I think as he gets older, he'll start to understand better. But in the meantime, I'll keep working on overcoming this issue with double standards.

Let's Light it up Blue!

Hi, Lovelies! Today, April 2nd, 2013 is World Autism Awareness Day! I thought that in celebration to this, I would write a little about autism. This isn't about the causes of autism, it isn't about whether or not vaccines have a correlation; this is about awareness for the Princess and every boy and girl who have or will be diagnosed with Autism. We'll start with a few facts about autism.

According toAutism Science Foundation, in 2012 approximately 1 in 88 children was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). That's 1 in 54 boys, and 1 in 252 girls that are affected by some sort of spectrum disorder. This can include an entire range from Asperger syndrome to a moderate to severe version of autism. Between 30-50% of these individuals with autism will have seizures. One thing to always remember is that individuals who with ASD do suffer cognitive impairments, but some have typical or above average IQs.

There's also been a lot of great progress recently in research into autism. From Autism Speaks, here are things that we have learned since this day in 2012:

• High-quality early intervention for ASD can do more than improve behavioral issues, it can improve brain function.

• While it was previously believed that if a non-verbal child with ASD did not speak before the age of 4-5, they would likely never speak. We now know that this is NOT the case. Research has shown that most will learn to use words, and up to half will learn to speak fluently.

• Though autism can be a life-long affliction, some children with ASD make so much progress, that they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for autism. High-quality early intervention may be key.

• Researchers can now detect presymptom markers for ASD in infants as young as 6 months. This can lead to earlier intervention and ultimately improve outcomes.

There are some things that we do know. No two children with ASD are alike. There may be similarities, sure. Sleep issues are common, as well as a number of other possibilities. But as a standard, each child with ASD has different challenges, different strengths. Some are more visual. Others are hands-on. The severity, the triggers, the causes; each one is different for each child. The one common factor is early intervention. The sooner the better.

I'll finish this with a note to any parent out there who may be having any concerns over their young child's development: If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If nothing else than to squelch your inner nagging voice. It's OK. You're not alone. Reach out. You do not have to go through any of this alone. Ever. I've been where you are now. I still consider myself pretty new to this whole process; but one thing I can tell you from some experience is the early intervention helps, and suddenly, you have a team of loving people who want to help you with your little one.
Let's Light it Up Blue for Autism Awareness!

The Bitching Hour

Hola, my Lovelies. Today, I'd like to take you to a special time. One that I know all too well. The time when the world has slowed down to a snails pace. The sky is dark, all is quiet and peaceful. Except in my house. This is a time I like to call "The Bitching Hour."

After a full day of eating, changing diapers, playing endless games of peek-a-boo and many a meltdown had and dealt with. It's 11pm; the house is quiet, the Prince and the Princess are asleep. Finally, you think to yourself, I can get some rest too. So you set to your nightly routine get yourself snuggled up, close your eyes and drift away to the dreamland with the idea of waking up first thing bright and early, birds chirping and the sun is shining.

*Thud, thud, thud* It's a familiar sound, but since it ceases quickly, I'm not quite roused from my sleep. *Thud, thud, thud* My eyes fly open. I heard it that time, I know it! Shift my eyes to my clock. 2 am. Great. My poor downstairs neighbors didn't see us coming when we moved in. The crying starts, which is accompanied by the same *thud, thud, thud*. That sound is the Princess' heels being pounded into the floor like it was her worst enemy. As if to say, "If I am awake, then everyone will be awake too!"

I set about my tasks of figuring out exactly what it is that is bothering the Princess. Diaper-- check. Light on-- check. *Thud, thud, thud* Light off-- check. That didn't work. Is it time to eat? Usually, at this time of night, if she is hungry for a late night snack, it's going to be a fight. The way she thrashes and screams in her high chair-- yes high chair, at 3 years old. She's a creature of habit, after all.-- you'd think I was feeding her something so foul that it might as well be liver and onions-- Or whatever you despise as a food-- even though it's the same baby food she's eaten every day of her life since she started solids.

That seems to settle things a little. Check the time, it's 3 am. We settle on a movie and attempt to get things settled. This, of course works only for a short while, as soon I hear: *Thud, thud, thud*. Crap. 'My poor neighbors' I think. 'I really need to bake them something delicious, or better yet, buy them a vacation away for a while.' If only I could afford that, I'd be taking it! I digress. Now it's time to get the Princess a fresh cup of milk. In the only cup she'll drink from. First, I have to find it.

We settle on a different movie, because suddenly, this one is not keeping her happy. When she starts to cry again, I'm at a loss. What can it possibly be, besides sleep? And how is it possible for the Prince and the King to snore peacefully through all of this? I change the diaper, set up her 'nest' in the middle of the floor-- Sometimes she doesn't want to sleep in her bed, so we get her as comfy with lots of blankets and pillows. It angers her less to have the choice to sleep on her bed or on the floor. Turn off the light, again. Really I feel like we should have a timed strobe light in there so that it can turn on and off at her pace.

Finally, it's quiet again. I've tamed the beast. The Princess is asleep peacefully again. Look at the time, 5 am. Only three hours this time. I've seen her stay up until noon before. This isn't bad. I'm awake, but decide to lay on the couch for maybe a couple of minutes of shut eye. As I close my eyes, and start to drift peacefully to a doze, I hear another familiar sound. The Prince is crying. He's up. Look at the clock: 5:30am. Whelp. I guess my day has just begun.